I SO appreciate Paul's honesty. I rarely meet someone who is as perceptive as me. (Or maybe more people are and we just don't communicate this vulnerably usually.)
11/2 1:33
"If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?" ~Confucius
That was a good quote today.
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Not sending to Paul:
It’s okay. We can just be friends. <— I don’t know if that’s true. But I am not going to pressure you to see things the way I do and I don’t think it’s the best use of your energy to try to convince me. I stand firm in my sovereignty, dignity, and freedom. I AM. And that’s all there is to it. There is little doubt in my mind that we were made to compliment one another, to work together on what we came to do (tikkun olam). Even if we stopped talking in 3D, I believe our souls will continue doing the work together - we were made for this. “We’re a part of something special” <— song lyric from “Wash It Away” (heart song this year)…another pertinent lyric from that song is “We are guardians, be a man among men….be a woman among women, be a guardian” which is very much what we are training to be. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IBFMkt9KGQ)
As I mentioned, I could work with you toward feeling into those things, but I cannot give my heart to them and I hope you will respect and honor that (and help me not to cave). Compromise is what leads us into the metatronic reversal. I’m not talking about two beings compromising to find a common ground, I’m talking about compromising our soul and values. We compromise a piece here and a piece there and say “no harm no foul” if I just do this one little thing (i.e. pretend to agree that this feels organic. It does not! It’s a reversal distortion due to deep rooted trauma and I hate it for you! I want you to be free! But it’s your work and maybe your soul doesn’t want to get free yet. No. It does. It does. We are one. We want to heal fully. We want to hold on to our comfort blanket perceptions, but we have to drop everything and be naked and then feel through the perceptions and distortions for the organic WAY. Together.
ps. Do you see how we can ramp up and ramp down the energies through our thoughts? How can we remain fully connected at the heart level but still work with the stuff housed in the ego at the mind level? This whole project might be too hard.
pss. If we are meant for HGU, there will be lots of interference to keep us apart. I need to remain diligent about clearings and asking for Guardian support. Storms will come but we have to cling to eachother to see them through. (And yes, I look to you as the leader and tuck into your shoulder for protection. But we have to stay connected to compare notes because maybe I see something that you hadn’t noticed yet. We have to trust each other.) <— on that note, I suspect that the reason I’ve had some problems (and maybe you can relate) with trusting others is because we are operating from a higher consciousness (no value difference). Truth be told it is also disgusting pride for me. The “thinking you know better” mentality is dark mother/reversal feminine. I’m operating within that energy now so I’m going to zip it.
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Just wanted to keep it for whatever reason.
After two powerful healing and centering meditations (Inner male:female recoding and genetic mutation of mind control), I realize that I can't take this on now. I don't want to end up exploded again. I am not a martyr. I love him and will be his compassionate witness. I believe we are soul or monad mates but he has more to go ... sounds like he needs more experience with relationships as he envisions them in that predatory manner.
We are all working out our stuff. God knows I'm working with that too... Indigo3 rehabilitation contract. I'm not ready either.
But it has led to me cutting another cord and clearing things up with Michael who is giving me a "Bill of Divorcement" tonight for my willfull disobedience, etc. I'll put a copy here. It's fine. I am willful. I am working on it, but I AM GOD SOVEREIGN AND FREE and this whole thing is between ME and me and I am happy to be working on the relationship with my SELF.
And I will hopefully stay in touch with and keep pouring love into Paul's life. He feels like my heartner and I will do all I can (but sacrificing/martyring myself will just get us both killed.
I have False Queen of Tyranny stuff going on too.
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Paul saved me. He got me out of that pit I was falling into. He has brought me such stability and joy. He is my man, my leader, my partner, my friend. How can this be? We say it's only been a week since we started talking, but I believe our consciousness has been working together in some capacity for a long time. We were made for one another. I love him. I gotta stop saying it. It ruins it.
But we know. I know. He knows. He's so amazing!!
He led us through this with Michael where I got the Get and he led me to apologize to Michael. He's just the best, most loving incredible man! Horn dog. I'm scared but I think it's going to be fine. It's kind of good to have this kind of virginal fear.
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