Processing

I fell into an emotional SNARL yesterday. I thought it was from all the digging on HF and recognition of the challenge of this relationship. I felt really grateful for the nudge from my teams to channel it into painting... that process was good for me. I painted paul. 

It started out with particular hues and feel and then the light in it grew. It felt like gridwork in a way...and it helped me channel love and service and seeing love and light and goodness in him... really looking at him and feeling into the depths I could access at that time. It was a good exercise. Here is a copy of what it looked like mid-way through and then when I started infusing intention for love and light...

Needs to be further up on the canvas like this:

yeah, that's the one I'll share.

It's hard to feel his confusion and how he has backed off. I understand... I did that. YOU said to "walk quietly" but I haven't been as quiet as I should. I want to put all the ugly out there in order to scare him away... stupid. Egotistical and stupid. I have told myself that I don't want to do a "bait and switch" and then that seems to reflect back to me in fear that he is doing the same. Like he is going to be different than he says. Because I have had a propensity to be dishonest in the past doesn't mean he does. But I feel like we are similar ... feels like the Indigo3 contract, like I'm picking up on that some. 12:48

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I feel his aggression. It sets us up against each other. No bueno.

I feel too much. 

This is why I need to keep tucking into SOURCE, not him. Or maybe I need to tuck into him and then we tuck into Source together? No, we are separate pillars.

DANG.

Might not be him. 

Or this psychic attack and lack of heart-based communication on both sides (but I'm responsible for MY SIDE ONLY) is going to wipe it out before it even gets started.

This is going to be VERY HARD.

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3:07 God just directed me to listen to much of the OmniLov3 "Family of Michael" talk which was ON POINT for me and super supportive for this situation and chapter that I am brushing up with here with Paul. God, please lead. My job and opportunity is to relax into my HEART, be heart-based, and then listen for direction. My role is to LOVE and to do my best to embody my Higher Self. 

Again, consumptive modeling isn't going to cut it. 

And when I get pulled or pushed off center, out of neutral, then we have a problem. I must remain in my stillpoint as a compassionate witness.

I do not have to convince Paul to know me, like me, hear me, anything. I just have to be me. And listen to him. Love him. This is MY work. Service to others. Respond. No pushing/pulling. It's not about me. Just be there for him. 

My "aha" moments are for me. The intuition and understanding God is giving me is to infuse CARISSA with this so that SHE can hold this field, this vibration, which will allow Paul to connect more deeply to Source energy. To HIS higher self. And that's my job. 

Carissa's mental body trying to impact Paul's mental body (or physical for that matter) detracts from the work. 

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Started a post for ESF:

I am afraid if I start speaking words, I will create a pool that is too large and I will fall in. So I’ll leave this painting that came through to help me work through the emotional snarl that came up yesterday (as a part of my menstrual cycle). Channelling that into this was a much better way to work with it.

Today I’ve pulled (from my meditation card deck) some great meditations that have felt very aligned, including the Seraphim Reclamation and OL’s Blue Rainbow Sun.

I found neutrality again.

I got pulled off for a day and a half and it’s not fun. I have come to depend on the inner stability to help me anchor in the storm. 

(Quit the post.)

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“Burn the Ships”

6:06

See the thing about this “Created to be his help meet” book is that it is foundationally built on the Bible as the authority of “God’s Word”. I just read the words that are used for a woman in the Bible and they are saying that these are the words that women should be … meek, humble, gentle, kind etc. While I agree that we should be…. all people should be…humble and kind and have a gentle spirit…this is weaponizing it and purposely leaving other attributes out - strong, faithful, powerful, wise, etc. (It might have said “wise”…but you get the point.) 

My “word of God” comes through my heart resonance. 

I FEEL the “living according to our created purpose” or “natural energy” and want to embody the divine feminine …anchor Sophianic frequencies…so that I can help/support the reclamation of the divine masculine as well. 

6:16

Guardian Glossary Term for the Week is ON POINT: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Developing_Strength_through_Virtues

"Dark arts training refers to a period in your life where you are being pushed really hard, usually through some sort of unresolved problem or personal suffering, to go beyond your current frame of reference in order to fully comprehend what is happening to you spiritually. This profound moment also means pulling back the veil that has hidden the interference in planetary and human evolution."