So much to learn

Rosicrucians - https://www.rosicrucian.org/
Anacro-Satanism

In general so much to learn.

"mysticism = believes in direct connection to the divine" - I'm DEFINITELY a mystic. I'm also God.  

Today is my session with Eliyana on Sacred or Quantum Sexuality! Whoop! 10:01

________

12:44 I am AMAZED and IN AWE of the GOODNESS OF GOD/Universe! Paulllllll!! Ahhhhhh!!!

Synchronicity #800! (Kidding....but there have been so many)... apparently for 10 or more years he has asked something about having a woman... this is so deja vu for me now that it's trippy and I'm having a hard time recounting it. But he dreamed of the woman saying she was his genie.  This morning I said it... I said I was his genie or something like that and he was floored. Apparently another sign from the Universe to him. And I am absolutely amazed!

I think I'm so exhausted... I video chatted with Paul, Uncle Robert (a treat), and had a session with Eliyana in Alaska ... a sexual healing session.... and it was MIND BLOWING!

She brought up the mirror and distortions in it. 

She brought up me being filled with joy and swinging my arms around like in the beginning of the Sound of Music

She brought up a past life - maybe Egyptian - connection to belly dancing or opening my hips and dancing almost seductively and how good it would be for me

She brought up what felt like similar to Cahokia....I was a spiritual leader that took the hymens of girls who just started their period. It was a form of SRA and control. 

She brought up wire wrapped around my clitoris, especially my inner clitoris which looks like a wishbone (wishbones!)... felt like this was part of harnessing and shocking and ai infusion into my being... she helped release it.

She saw a Grey with a clipboard standing outside my field and when she saw it I was able to dissolve it into the light.

She saw bots...little Ai floor sweeper vacume looking type things. 

She saw my wings - they were like athelete's wings - sounds like not a lot of fluff. 

Sounds like I need to balance the intensity with joy.

Sounds like I'm ready to be loved... to heal in love... to explore sex as a healing activity.

I was telling Paul earlier that I feel like I have put up all these walls and done all this damage to myself because I was operating outside of my soul's desire which is to be with my divine beloved (which feels a lot like HIM). I created cognitive dissonance by trying to force myself to do what didn't feel aligned with my soul. If the time is NOW...We Are On Time... it's time to unite with my beloved and heal the world and it starts with US.

I shared my session with Paul - I hope it doesn't scare him. I hope I didn't seem like a jerk. I hope I represented him well. 

God, help me to love Paul well. To see him and honor him.

I read this today - I couldn't fully read it the other day but today I did and it's on point: https://energeticsynthesis.com/index.php/library/negative-alien-agenda/2183-mission-briefing-on-nrg

So much of what I/we are working on. AHHHH!!

I'm pooped. I have cayenne pepper on my thyroid/neck trying to support it... feels like it's really struggling now. Post period hormones? I got the "Neuro Endocrine Immune" meditation last night.

Oh, I had a dream where I was standing at the corner of Sioux's pasture... "the field"... and holding what looked like a firehose which was pumping waste/miasma out of the field. 

___

UGH. I just looked through so many of Michael's and my photos together and we had SUCH A SWEET relationship. I loved it and him so much. WHAT HAPPENED??? We have THE BEST LIFE!! WHAT HAPPENED? My anxiety? Awakening? My shift away from the god of Saturn blood worship? 

He is gaining consciousness...we both are. But the Qanon stuff is a put off to me. But it was fine. I liked his hope. But we didn't have a physical relationship and I wasn't attracted to him. I just loved him and still do. Arghhhhh. 

What's going to happen with Paul? When I'm with him - talking to him, especially Facetiming, I feel like everything is right with the world. When I'm not, I am prone to doubts. 

OH - Michael is not keen on getting healthy - he drinks beer and wine and doesn't like vegetables, we don't enjoy doing things together, and don't have a sex life. My passion is seeking truth and gridworking and I want to do that with my DIVINE beloved. It feels like the Universe (God) has brought forth my divine beloved to template the HGU with. It feels like Shamira came to get me. It feels really right except when I start to question.

Sometimes he doesn't talk very much - I want to know what's in his head.
What happens when he takes away his affection as Commanders are known to do. It's going to hurt. 
What happens when I become old and boring to him?
What happens if I don't measure up in the bedroom?
What if he likes the bloody gross life-stealing satanism instead of the atheiestic satanism. And how can he be an athiest?? 

See the thing is that I release and surrender control - I don't want to change or doubt or question him. I want him to do exactly what he's meant to do. To think exactly what he's meant to think. He is doing his OWN consciousness work/evolution and I am here to hold a frequency. 

Michael and I do technically hold a frequency together too. But it doesn't feel like enough. Do I trust the Universe? Do I trust GOD? Do I trust MY SOURCE? We are on a path of enLIGHTenment and embodiment and this is what we signed up for. Michael = comfort implant. That's not what I came for. 

Paul will be challenging and beautiful and help us both to be who WE ARE. Ahhhhh! This is what we came for and it often (except when I'm in mind-slide anxiety world) feels like Paul is my counterpart that I've been looking for and waiting for for millenia... this life but so many others. Maybe the whole age?

Yes, we'll be able to study the application of our beliefs and put them into practice in LOVE. This is the job. Learning how to LOVE. Truly. And there is no one better in the world to do that with than my DIVINE BELOVED.

I'm just overtired. 
Go to sleep Dear One.

____

This was a reallllly good AG pick today: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Atlantian_Mystery_Schools