Interaction

11/2/21

Paul wrote:

I’ve been writing in my journal about you for the past hour. I’m floored at all of the things that are coming up: the synchronicities, the raw emotions, the lustful thoughts, the feeling of acceptance and connection. Yet despite all that, I have a foreboding about some things. 

 

1) the physical distance. We obviously connect deeply and intimately over phone and text, but we are four time zones apart. I know that in itself isn’t a big issue in light of modern ease of travel, but it would require at least one of us to uproot from our familiar surroundings. You seem very willfully anchored to your location, and, while I’m not particularly anchored here, I think of it as being less than masculine to follow a female into her world. 

 

2) Michael. Michael was someone who I connected with very deeply. I have nothing but admiration, respect and a deep and abiding love for him. He is also a fellow light worker. I already feel guilt from even thinking of you in a “more than friendship” kind of way. My deep love and respect for him has helped me to stifle some of the things that I’ve wanted to say to you. Furthermore, you showed me the signed contract between you. You cannot dissolve that. Only he can. I couldn’t pursue anything more than friendship with you, despite every cell of my being longing to unite with you, unless I’m 100% positive that he has freely given you a Get. 

 

3) The big one. The one that concerns me the most. We agree on the destination, but not the path. Every fiber of my being is a textbook “Commander”. I’m at my very best when I’m in control. You keep attempting to justify your response that, “I’ve tried to live that life but it didn’t work”. But the other side of that coin is that I’ve tried, several times, to be in an equal-partnership relationship with people and those didn’t work either. It’s not the dynamic, it’s the individuals. You may be able to make a world-class chicken stew-but not with rotten chicken. The ingredients make or break the recipe. 

I’ve experienced a connection with you deeper than I’ve had with any ex-wife, girlfriend, or lover in just a few days. In some ways, I get the sense that you know me better than I know myself. I also am cognizant of the possibility that I know things about you that you don’t yet know about yourself. You are a free spirit, but you keep yourself in chains. You are a beacon of truth, but you lie to yourself. You are a bringer of joy, but you punish yourself with sadness. You are a healer, MY healer, but that alone isn’t what makes you healthy. I will say this: you have caused me to question how I see and understand divinity. You make some extremely valid points, given certain circumstances. But what you express isn’t universal truth. Long before HF existed, I came to understand several things about myself and source divinity. The most confusing period of my life was trying to reconcile things I knew to be true with things that religion told me were true. That confusion lead to me trying desperately to be something that I wasn’t. I was forced to restrain the true expression of myself to appear “normal”. 

I can’t say for sure that my way is the best way or the only way to get to where we want to go, but it is A way. A way that I can make the most of my genuine self and my talents to lead whoever’s willing to follow. Is it manipulative, cruel, or selfish to command someone to be in my arms if they truly want to be there with their entire being? Males conquer. That is our way. That is the reason we have explored the earth. That is why we can be safe and warm in unforgiving environments. Conquest is part of the divine masculine. Females, all females have a deep need to be conquered. To be ravished. To be fucked with abandon like a sex doll by a man who has proven himself worthy of having her. Only when that deepest desire is fulfilled can she enter into bliss. Souls don’t merge when teenagers haphazardly fumble through coitus in the backseat of dad’s convertible. They merge when he takes and she is willingly being taken.

 

Her well overflows for a conqueror, not a “nice guy”. The most self-destructive lie that women tell themselves is that they want to be treated “fair and equal” by a nice guy. I call utter bullshit on that. The sacred female energy is unbridled passion. James Dean made the girls wet, not George McFly. Imagine a sexual scenario with a muscular, dominant hunk. Now imagine the same with Mr. Nice Guy who thanks you for your generosity in sharing your vagina with him while thrusting into you with the rhythm of Al Yankovich. Which one does your soul respond to? Which does your body respond to? The nice guy that treats you like a superior, or the one that tells you that you’d better take all of him down your throat or else you’ll get swatted on the ass again? What you keep denying is that he’s the one that will truly free you, as you crawl across the floor, as ordered, to be pounded through the bed because there is no other place you’d rather be. Add to that a man, a real man, who not only will send you into tantric orgasm with just the command of his voice, but who also deeply understands the mechanics of the universe and the human spirit and conquers you in love for your benefit and healing and what do you get? That sounds just like the ingredients for the recipe to living on cloud 9: serves 2 (or more) and never gets stale. I’d eat that fucker in a millisecond. 😁

 

I’ve been awake for nearly two days now. I’m going to try my best to fall asleep. I feel restrained to share with you the inner reason. But I’m sure you know. 

You are literally all I can think about.  

How did you get in my head like this? 

My roses come with thorns, but they are given in love. 🌹 

Are you willing to give your finger to be pricked in order to enjoy the fragrance? 

 

So many miss the health that comes from the garden because they are afraid that they will get tilled. But a wise gardener only prunes the lower leaves that suck nutrients without producing fruit. As a result the entire plant develops and it yields incredible, hearty goodness.

 

Carissa Responded:

🔥Whooooo. Yeah. Okay. I need to re-read this again a couple times. 

I treasure it. I treasure your raw honesty and never want you to hold that back.

All those are VERY valid points and insightful observations. You are very wise. 

I’m not going to say any more right now because I need to be with this some more. No matter what happens...how it manifests (in physical reality or not), I feel it deep in my bones that we are made of the same stuff. We grapple with (and live out) the same topics/soul lessons. Maybe we are just soul siblings, or maybe we are meant for more. Seems like this is exactly what we both dreamed of - merging with our divine partner to amplify our power.

I am willful. And a free spirit unique butterfly type. I have lots of friends and spend my days following spirit. This allows me to have a beautiful influence on the earth’s energies.  You would hate that. You would think that I am giving away the love and energy that belongs to you. You would be jealous and try to dominate and thwart it IF you continue in this FKOT mindset. You are shooting yourself in the foot.

What you said about me - your observation- is all ON POINT. But we don’t heal by force. We heal through acceptance and observation. All those things want to be seen and heard and loved so they can move on.

I want from the deepest part of me to help you heal. I can work with anything you are and want - the perversions and fantasies that you have around domination come from deep wounds, including not being respected or heard or honored. The masculine wound is a big one and you are so brave to be taking this on. Masculine healing is one of my main mission contracts.

That said, I have finally found the love and respect for MYSELF that I needed to step into my own power and I will not give that away. It is akin to “selling your soul to the devil”. I won’t do it, even for the promise of what my heart most desperately longs for - to be in union with her counterpart. 

If we are meant to be together, we will. If we are meant to just feel into and learn from all these things, then we’ll do that. My desire is to be a neutral compassionate witness not attached to the outcome.

I guess I had something to respond - sorry - that was from only one read through. This is gold so I will read again.

I hope you got some sleep. I also did not. Around 4am I maybe had a few hours of rest. This is all very big.

I appreciate your wisdom and believe there is a healthy and aligned application for all of it. I just think we’ve both had to put on the distortions in order to heal them from the inside out. A beautiful, happy, fulfilling life is on the other side.

Der neue Musik-Streamingdienst YouTube Music startet demnächst. Melde dich an, um über Neuigkeiten informiert zu werden und mit etwas Glück Zugriff auf die Betaversion zu erhalten.

I just turned on my music - also a divination tool - the universe speaks to me through music deeply (as discussed). And this song came up first. It depicts so much my understanding and desire for the structure of a union:

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=JZdsMRjUjoY&feature=share

"You seem very willfully anchored to your location" - I don't think this is true... there are many benefits to where I live including cost of living, freedom, family, financial (etc) opportunity. As I mentioned I would PREFER to live in the mountains. I am a gridworker and have lived and traveled in many places and I hope to do that again one day. Unfortunately when the waves of my life got very rough, I prayed for an anchor. The anchor has come in the form of a horse. I am committed to the beings entrusted to me AND they are my spiritual guides. Sioux is a very special being. The chickens represent the seraphim (fallen melchezidek especially) and are a part of my process. My dogs are my best friends and family. When Michael got here I almost gave up one dog and since learned that he is my most powerful ally and spiritual protector so I will not do that again. I submit to the movement of spirit and am trying very hard to stop "pushing/pulling". So the animals are a big part of this. 

I talked to Michael today about whether he would like to take responsiblity for Sioux and the chickens and I could take the dogs and my computer (work) and get in my car and go wherever (of course I was talking about Alaska). Michael is family. I love him SO SO SO SO SO much! He is the kindest and most amazing person I've ever known. That said, he is not and has never been even close to my divine partner. His love has been foundational in healing a deep father wound and I look to him so much as that (much to his chagrin). This is also why sex was so awful. 

Michael will give me a Get. His kindness has allowed me to remain under his covering despite us going our separate ways. He has been very put off by my spiritual evolution for a couple years but in the last month or two he seems to be having some consciousness breakthroughs that are helping him get to the next level which allows him to see that maybe what I am saying (Saturn blood worship, etc.) is... I don't know.... like it's OKAY with him that I see it that way now. But he still plans to murder a goat to his alien god and paint its blood on our doors. 

I am 100% honest with Michael because it helps us both live in the truth, so he knows everything. (I mean, not the details of our conversations, etc. but I have candidly been sharing my awe and excitement as all this unfolds.) 

I have known it was not aligned with my soul to unite with Michael but in his view (and your 3D view), the woman should do it anyway. Women are posessions. He has been very kind and patient with me so he would never force me...but I tried to force myself... working with that has been very big. There's a prostitution archetype that came through for witnessing especially. Anyway, I had a friend who was always saying that she wished she had a Michael so I encouraged them to talk. Michael believed in multiple wives and I thought I did too. (After we got together he joked that one was enough with me. I am a handful...and I've been very sick/healing some massive distortions out of myself.) So anyway, the two of them started talking and he liked her ... and that was so great! 

As we went down that path I had a chance to feel into that energy of multiple wives and figured out it wasn't for me. It is not aligned with my soul. I know that now. I had to try it on to know that and now I know. I am meant to be in divine union with my partner so we can anchor the frequency we came here to hold to support the reclamation of the earth. SO... I ...there's no nice way to say it and it seems like dark mother control tactics but if you look at it another way, it actually operates within the realms of each of our states of sovereignty.... I asked him to choose. I said that I would start trying to have sex and we could work through our issues OR he could keep pursuing Amy. He chose Amy. And that was great. Honestly it was such a relief. 

I stopped having sex with him in 2019 in order to heal and keep myself for my true husband. I'm glad that the universe supported me in keeping myself pure.

This is long. Sorry.

Anyway, he is happy to write a Get. Probably have it today. 

I wish there were a way we could all remain in community. It would be ideal to have a piece of land somewhere where we could share efforts but have our own homes.  Right now we have a place where we can do what we want - raise livestock, plant gardens, shoot guns, have a great place for animals, live among other kind humans, etc. 

 

I plan to start a nutritional balancing business soon and can see that being something you and I do together (with you writing about vitamins as well as anything else you wanted to write about). Doing HTMAs for animals has come up as a potential way to partner with my sister and her very busy veterinary practice. My other sister and her family are nearby too and frankly her kids needs more of my attention. There are lots of reasons to stay around here FOR NOW. 

 

I have been begging Michael for years to move and he said "it's not time yet". I don't know when the time is. But if you and I were to be together, you would be the person I'd be begging. Ha!

 

I guess it comes down to whether we are meant to and willing to come together and follow our hearts and forge the way that comes from the expression of our union. We have different but equal gifts that will be a part of the tapestry that our lives would weave. 

 

I accept you in this moment, just the way you are. My hope is that if we keep putting that into practice it will continue to dissolve the wounds and trauma that has separated you from acknowledgement and unity with your own femine nature first, and then ultimately that of your partner. 

 

All of this, all of me, is about healing these distortions. 

 

It won't happen immediately. It will take years. If it took years of you having to act out these fantasies rooted in distortion/dissociation from your divine soul, I would do that for you. That's what we came to do together. But make no mistake, my intention is unity and wholeness in the Law of One. It is to HEAL that shit.

Paul wrote:

You are so beautiful, inside and out. You are me with boobs. 😂

I just picked up on something. It’s also something that you’ve repeatedly mentioned and now I’m curious as to it’s origin. So I need to do some homework.