Response to a post on the forum re: Sexual Misery program:
I had the sexual misery programming/baphomet energy come up yesterday too... blasted me out of nowhere. I was walking out of a store back to the car and something about these two women in front of me just brought it to light... it made me want to look at their butts and be a portal for some spirit to (energetically) rape them. (I'm sorry that's so graphic, but as I was writing this, I just saw it for what it was and wanted to call it out of the darkness.) It triggered the same reaction to another lady...(butt)... not too far away. I haven't had this happen for a relatively long time so it was interesting and noteworthy. I used to get caught up in lots of emotions about it... confusion, fear, etc. Obviously I gave myself away to it at some point and would follow its lead and get ensnared. Then I started resisting it... "not going to look!"... that brought on a new level of crazy, the struggle is real!... the resistance has fallout as well.Yesterday I acknowledged it and brought it to God. It was a very quick rising followed by observation and prayer (I realized I looked like a crazy woman muttering to herself walking to her car- ha!), but it was a powerful force that I am grateful to God for allowing me to recognize. I was still kind of clunky in this interaction with that spirit, but I'm making progress and it sounds like you are too! Thank you for bringing this up.
I was led to the " Developing Self Awareness " meditation today and thought I should share it in this thread. Really supportive for clearing 3 lower chakras. Root chakra clearing has come up for me so it felt very aligned. Here's the link: esfoundations.com/community/platinum-arc...nascensionmeditation
Oh. Wow. As I re-read my note I was shown it was a Golum that had access to my lightbody ... I GAVE it access at one point, I consented to something (probably porn) out of alignment with my Krystic soul and it had that portal of consciousness for when it wanted to use it. Whoa. I do not consent to any golums or any spirits, entities, or beings having access into or through my lightbody! I close all open wormholes and revoke all access! I AM GSF!!
Thank you again for bringing forward this topic... I know it takes tremendous courage. God bless you and your family Tryggve!
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That said, this morning after I did that Developing Self Awareness meditation, I 2:11 wanted to feel into my body more to see if I could feel the organic sexual or root or sacral chakra energy. It wasn't really there but I touched my body and loved myself some which was nice. I'm the one who must love myself... this is the exercise. I can't wait for someone else, a partner, to come around and love me for me... or make love to me for me. I MUST MAKE LOVE TO MYSELF. Not "eeek out an orgasm"...but actually feel into the depths of my being and soul. Learn how to feel and love myself deeply.
I was told it wasn't time for the orgasm and I was led to go outside and I laid in the hammock in the sun and it felt soooooo goooooood to all my cells and body and just right... like love. And I touched myself some and felt really good like I could have an orgasm from just the sun. Then I was led to sit on the grass... vagina right on the grass... and had the solar light of God just pouring down through me and I felt the opening of a connection into the earth. I was making love to the earth.
It wasn't a massive outpouring, but it is the beginning... a trickle that will lead to a stream that will lead to a gushing as I continue to open my body and soul to the fulfillment of my destiny (one of them) to anchor the spirit of Christ-Sophia on the earth. I am an acupuncture point. I am a cell phone tower. I am a channel. I am the point of convergence between heaven and earth... father and mother... light and dark. I AM. And if I can sit in this stillpoint of all creation... sit in the zero point and hold the Krystic field of love... well, THAT'S the job. That's the mission. I am the holy grail. I am the golden chalice. (That may be a different reference, but it's here too. May I hold the Holy Krystic Waters, the anointing oil Chrisma, the spirit of the Father and pour it out upon the earth ... baptize the earth in this LIVING WATER.
I finally fasted today. Intentionally. Yesterday I guess God and my guides were helping me to and I didn't eat until 5pm except my morning toast...but today it was intentional. I decided to fast until noon. It's 2:14 now and I've still not eaten. I will soon. This work is almost complete. I have been nudged to fast this week... the sermon at that church on Sunday was about fasting and yesterday Kirk mentioned he was fasting. I'm sure there were more references. Anyway, it's been beautiful.
I finally fasted today. Intentionally. Yesterday I guess God and my guides were helping me to and I didn't eat until 5pm except my morning toast...but today it was intentional. I decided to fast until noon. It's 2:14 now and I've still not eaten. I will soon. This work is almost complete. I have been nudged to fast this week... the sermon at that church on Sunday was about fasting and yesterday Kirk mentioned he was fasting. I'm sure there were more references. Anyway, it's been beautiful.
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Earlier today I was having a conversation with myself about this terrible "covetousness" that plagues me. I said "I don't want to want anything"... but look that's WANTING to NOT want! Ha! I accept my being's misguided desire/covetousness and will to (shoot, there's another "want") to see it for what it is and release it to God. So we'll watch ... oh Carissa, you precious soul, what a knot we have to unravel!! I love you sweet girl!
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2:34
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I wanted to write in my post to Tryggve that "I feel like I'm working on anchoring the 15D Founder Father Magenta Ray energies in 1D to override the hijacked Red Wave energies"... but I was afraid of hijacking his spiritual journal. I suppose my personal story and revelation was also a bit of a hijack but it felt right to me at the time. Still does. Still doesn't feel right to share my personal "work" thoughts like what I'm working on... but I did want to mention it to myself to dust off my ego. Angela responded and said something about the Red Wave. I always feel like saying "but I knew that!! That's what I said! That's what I knew. That's what I said back then, etc."... but that's just ego food. I need to be grateful for everyone's experience and revelations and I don't need to be seen or known for also experiencing them or experiencing them "first" (although of course I'm not even close to first). This whole thing is between ME and me. We remember that. What are WE learning and are we applying it?
The way Michael applied the conversation we had the day before when I said I was worried about him and the Ai... he responded so well to that ... the "I'm worried about you and this is why". Much moreso than me barking my "you're killing yourself!!" at him... same message which I've said a zillion times, but saying it differently...with compassion and understanding their viewpoint...that's the difference.
Anyway, I said that and the next day he was out there doing all these chores... chopping down trees, fixing fences, etc. He put ACTION to what I said. It wasn't about the words. This is what I need to do and be too... forget the words... what is coming through my BEING? God, thank you for helping me!!!
This was such a good little video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MtxGa2uouo
I wanted to write in my post to Tryggve that "I feel like I'm working on anchoring the 15D Founder Father Magenta Ray energies in 1D to override the hijacked Red Wave energies"... but I was afraid of hijacking his spiritual journal. I suppose my personal story and revelation was also a bit of a hijack but it felt right to me at the time. Still does. Still doesn't feel right to share my personal "work" thoughts like what I'm working on... but I did want to mention it to myself to dust off my ego. Angela responded and said something about the Red Wave. I always feel like saying "but I knew that!! That's what I said! That's what I knew. That's what I said back then, etc."... but that's just ego food. I need to be grateful for everyone's experience and revelations and I don't need to be seen or known for also experiencing them or experiencing them "first" (although of course I'm not even close to first). This whole thing is between ME and me. We remember that. What are WE learning and are we applying it?
The way Michael applied the conversation we had the day before when I said I was worried about him and the Ai... he responded so well to that ... the "I'm worried about you and this is why". Much moreso than me barking my "you're killing yourself!!" at him... same message which I've said a zillion times, but saying it differently...with compassion and understanding their viewpoint...that's the difference.
Anyway, I said that and the next day he was out there doing all these chores... chopping down trees, fixing fences, etc. He put ACTION to what I said. It wasn't about the words. This is what I need to do and be too... forget the words... what is coming through my BEING? God, thank you for helping me!!!
This was such a good little video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MtxGa2uouo
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I think I'm going to go check out Ecstatic Dance tonight with Le'Anna.
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