Great Date

I came home from the gym yesterday and Ryan was at my house fixing my dryer. We talked and are back on course for now. I think there are major changes that need to happen in both of us, but I am committed to trying. 

We had the BEST date I've ever been on last night too...and ended with very satisfying sex/connection. Ryan took me to dinner at Carrabbas ... it was FANTASTIC! We shared the food. It works out because we share really well and he gets to eat most of it and I get to taste two different dishes! (First we went to Home Depot to get a plumbing part because a polybutylene part snapped... imagine that!! Gah! The fun begins!). Anyway, after dinner we went and got a slice of cake (each!) at Hayes Barton (Ryan treated again!!) and then were actually EARLY for the comedy show! Some secret location comedy show... which was really good! There were 5 comics... 6 if you count the host, which I will. And the host and two of them really got me going... the others were good too. But the last guy had me tears! Laughter is so good for our souls. Then we came home and Ryan put in the plumbing part...oops...wrong one... but we got to turn the water back on. And then we giggled and loved each other and it was soooo wonderful. My body and soul feel so right in his arms. I love him so deeply. Why is he such a butt head sometimes? I have lots to learn and identify so I'm a butthead too. But in our chatting on the porch last night he told me about how when he was a young boy he used to have such rage fits that his mom had to hold him against the wall until he raged himself out. He said "maybe I really do have an anger problem"? I mean. I know he knows that. But getting to talk about it is a big deal and real honor. We talked about bullying some while we were waiting for the comedy show to start... and ... just great conversation all around. When he is relaxed and open, we have the most wonderful time. Then something changes (Hyde) and he starts looking for something to gnaw on. Something to piss him off (and I readily offer that). The rollercoaster is not fun, but I trust God's plan. And I DO have a heart of love for him and he said (and I know) he loves me. He thinks he doesn't have a choice...and God, isn't love a choice? I think I make the decision to keep loving him even when it's hard. But I also deeply love him without effort...it's just there. So I don't know.

I love being with him. I feel right in his arms....and bed.

We talked about the list of things we need to do here...and about expectations. And I just need to relax and take it slow. 

OH! And he slept in my bed for the first time! We made love in my bed for the first time last night! We DID go to bed after 1am and he left at 6:30...but we did it. I remember how hard it was sleeping in his bed ...and still...it's weird... very soft and lumpy. Mine is hard though and I'm afraid he won't like that. (I love it.) So we'll see how often I can lure him over here. But I'm grateful to be so close. And that was a big first step. So wonderful. Felt so good! Thank you God!