Seems like Ryan's and my relationship is about working with these energies (my AG pick this morning):
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Confrontation_in_Malta
9-11 energies too... Ruby Sun?
My quote for the day:
"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path." ~Buddha
Well, it's 6am... time to go! Whoooo
____
7:36pm
I'm pooped and a bit depressed and lonely and overwhelmed. I have a goregeous view of the sunset though so I should go eat dinner with Moses while I can. i'll be back.
7:48
leftover meatloaf. beautiful sunset.
Turns out the breaker to my freezer was off...who knows how long but I pray the meat will re-freeze and be okay? God?
I had to clean it out myself... so hard... myself. And Michael came to help Mr. Casey with the hay which was very nice... but all of it is painful. Ryan took his gift cards. Good. I couldn't call Ryan when my freezer was out. I wanted to. I tried calling Jim and Dee to no avail. My water came back with high manganese and low PH.
I'm tired. Grateful for my job... it's just a lot to be ON for so long. Long days. It's 8pm. I was thinking of going to SweetFrog for no-weigh Wednesday but I think I should just go to bed after I finish Malai and taking care of the animals. I'm pooped...and depressed and need to shower. I'm getting a cold sore, I think. From stress I guess. I didn't know I get those. It could be from kissing Moses after I put flea medicine on him? And I remember that Ryan had something funny on his penis before I gave him a blowjob... I hope it was dry skin....but whatever it is... I got abreva and am using hydrogen peroxide and will just do my best to knock it out.
I'm lonely... God, what is your plan? But I'm full too. Big dejavu with the freezer thawing and a conversation in my head that triggered something from when I was going to college... can't remember which one now...grad school I think, but could be undergrad?
Oh God... Oh heavenly Father and Mother and beloved Cristy. I love you. I hug you.
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I just caved and called Jeff and he called me back and we talked for 45 min and it was really nice. He was really nice. He is a good friend. We laugh and we love each other. But I love Ryan like a lover... I'm not sure how I feel about Jeff... I wish we could be roommates and see. But he can't leave New York and his pension. And I love Ryan. The good Ryan. There is one that loves me... but there is one that despises and wants to destroy me and that one is in control. He has so many unresolved issues and he's not even trying to heal... I am better off without that drama. But I miss having a friend. But truth be told, Ryan hasn't been a good friend to me on a heart level for a very long time. He doesn't care about me... he only cares to hurt me and to prove and inflate his own ego by doing his best to make me feel small. He focuses on my flaws and pushes my buttons in order to trigger me and himself. I think this is a drama addition. This is why he likes...needs...to get mad at people all the time. I feel really bad for him, he's a slave to these demons. He has to choose to evict them. And I need to choose to identify and evict mine.
I do much better on the carnivore diet... or low carb anyway.
I'm tired. and my toe...two toes... hurt. And my lip and back. Take care of me. I'm the one that I have. Love me.
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